I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
