please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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