If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
