TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
