There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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