my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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