Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize