How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
