So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
