you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
