Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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