Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
