Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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