With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
