just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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