Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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