i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
