Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
