there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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