You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
