You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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