on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
