margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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