I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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