Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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