I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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