I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
