Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
one two three fourrrrnication!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
