the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
