I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
