I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
