Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
