So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
