I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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