I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize