he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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