so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
