I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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