No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
