3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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