Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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