My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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