your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
