He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
