Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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