All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
