Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
