If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
