Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
