separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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