fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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