I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
