A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
