just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
