She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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