Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
how does that bad decision feel?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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