I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
