wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
