I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
