I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
