he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
