the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
