the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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