She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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