I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
