I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
