You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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