a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
