Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
