You smell like stripper and shame
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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