I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
