Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
