I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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