best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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