Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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