So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
