This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We smell like vodka and hangover
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