You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
