I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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