made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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