Soap is not a condiment
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i've created a new STD.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
