I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I need to align my fucking chakras
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
