can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
